March 21, 2014

50 Years 

  I didn't expect that my 50th birthday would find me a cancer survivor, but I'm glad it did.  I want to do a post sometime with what I have now that I didn't have then, but it will be a hard one.  In the meantime, I will enjoy what I have, and here's a glimpse of what the last couple years have  given me. 

  

This is going to be my last monthly hair post.  There won't be much change month by month.
 
It is also another yearly milestone. Last year at this time I was just learning to eat again.  My feeding tube and port were removed early in March, and my options for food were really limited.  My mouth had brand new skin and it was tender so I had to be careful what I ate. My swallowing had improved but had a long way to go. With no saliva to help in the breakdown I had to eat wet things. Many foods would hurt or scratch, so I ate soup.  Lots of soup.  I learned to enjoy it.  It was warm, comforting and easy.   I boiled pounds and pounds of vegetables flavored with chicken broth and ate gallons of it. For a long time I wouldn't try anything else.  As the months went on nothing seemed to change.  I was beginning to get bored with the same old soup all the time.  I was wondering if this would be the way it would be forever.
Then, I turned a corner.  It was another jump forward in recovery.  All of a sudden I could eat just about anything I wanted. I could eat normal supper rather than soup all the time.  I still don't do ketchup, pepper, spicy food, vinegar, breads or dry food very well, but that leaves a lot of other choices.  

I started trying different things. I noticed I was eating more real food and less soup.  If I hadn't tried it post-cancer, I took a bite, some things worked some didn't. I was eating what everyone else was eating for supper, and I was enjoying it. 

I also got some sweet taste back and began to enjoy cookies dunked in cocoa.

Eating for me is so much more about perception than taste.  If I liked it before and it's wet or can be eaten wet, most likely I will like it now.
I also like things that I wouldn't have eaten before like puddingy things and soaked bread.  

If I do pay attention to the way things taste, I look for different sensations that I used to.  Things just don't taste the same.  I try to just eat and not worry about it.   

This feels like a major milestone for me.  I feel like I'm a lot farther along the road to feeling normal again.

The recovery epiphany of today is:

Things change, maybe slower than you think, but they will change.

Day by Day--February

I find it makes a nicer collage to use 5 week format.  This will end up an every 5 weeks blog.

February

2. When the days  begin to lengthen, then the cold begins to strengthen.

3. Egg production is down in the winter months.  Eleven hens, two eggs.  '

4. New recipe--smoked sausage and potato hash.  It was good, too.

5. I love a fire, it's so warm and cozy on these cold days this week.  

6. This is the coldest it's been so far this winter.  We haven't seen cold like this for a decade or more.  

7. Anthony's father turned this wooden plate for me on his lathe. It's my camera's home.

8. Doughnuts belong with snow, even though we haven't had much snow this winter, we wanted doughnuts anyway.  They are pretty good dunked in cocoa for the salivary impaired.  

9. A handsome young couple.

10. Lynette's favorite breakfast.  I make it nearly everyday, and have it down to a fine science.  It is sitting under the griddle to keep warm at 7:45 am.

11. Knitting 101 at the library.  I know how to knit, but wanted to make sure I was doing it right.  I think I know more that the leader of our little group.

12. I HAVE MY COMPUTER BACK AFTER THREE WEEKS FOR REPAIRS!!!! And a pile of stuff to do.

13. Finally, long enough hair to do something with, thanks to my daughter.

14. Happy Valentine's Day.  The ladies in this house both rated roses this year.  Two dozen red for Lynette, 1 dozen pink for me (my favorite).  The man of the house got cashews.  His favorite.

15. I have been scrapping like crazy on Lynette's book.  Hers are done to the end of 2013.

16. Game night with friends.  I love Blokus, but you need 4 people to play, so it's nice to play with someone else.

17. Now I'm working on my book.  I'm done to the end of 2012, and I cleaned up the room which was covered stem to stern with supplies.  I'm waiting on 2013 photographs to start again.

18. Library knitting class, one dishcloth finished another started.

19. I make my own pancake syrup.  I like to seal it so it keeps or to give it away.

20. More snow.  A lovely powdery dusting again.

21. I make homemade noodles for everything except tuna chowder.  I'm not sure why, but that's the way it is.  We had beef and noodles this day, with some leftover for later.

22. Jim is replacing the sheetrock in the garage, ceiling first.

23. Game night again, just Jim and I, waiting for something, but I can't remember what now.

24. The Millers, more scrapping.

25 We had cardinals visiting our tree.  I was sicker than a dog this day.  I had a fever and couldn't go to knitting class, but my camera zoom came through.

26. Sunset, about 6:00

27. Sunrise, 7 am.

28. Finished another graduation afghan.

March

1. My oldest daughter moved closer into a new house.

2. This seems to be the way we start out the month this winter.  March is coming in like a very cold lion.

3. Every week day morning this is my view.  Sunrise through the kitchen window.

4. It's beautiful and a little different every day.

5.Lettuce is good for the heart.

6. Re-purposed sweater sleeves stuffed with plastic bags to hold boots up straight.

7. Life happens, and I didn't take a photo this day.  So Christian gets tomorrow's photos now and then.  He can stand alone, especially when he is holding something. He also is opening cupboard doors, and not falling over while he does it. 

8. He loves to push this little stroller, when he runs up against something, he goes around to the front and pushes it that way until it is clear, then he goes around and pushes by the handle.  

Weather seems to be the main topic of conversation this winter.  It has been colder than it has been for a long time, with very little snow.  We have had a few nice days, too.  It's just that it's been frigid for a few days, then we see 40 degree days, then back again to single digits.  It's the mood swings that are hard to bear.  

  

Imitating Life

All pictures tell a story, and I want to tell you this one.  

Children are little sponges. What they see is what they do.  What happens at home they will imitate.  When you look at this photograph can you tell what is happening at home?  

This little boy's mother is going to school.  She is taking classes online.  She has a little table set up in the corner of her very small living room with her books and her computer waiting for a little time in her busy three-boy life to study.  

So, he studies, too.  He makes little notes with his pencil.  He taps his chin and thinks.  He types a little bit on the keyboard.  

He melts my heart.

I know that is my piano book he's writing in, but it's pencil.  We will find him another book,  

And we won't talk about the next time when he found a green pen, and we weren't watching.  

February Hair...

And a Whole Lot of Other Things

I haven't blogged very much this month.  I wonder if anyone noticed?  

I've been doing other things.  My project list for the new year included getting all of Lynette's pictures in scrapbooks.  So, I have been putting all my time and energy into getting that done.  When I got current on her books, I finished Nathan's.  Now I am working on getting my book current.  I am on a roll, and can't think of anything else.  

I am posting a few photos so you know what I've been doing.  

But, first, February hair!!

It is finally long enough to put up in this half-braid thingy, thanks to my daughter.

This is a quick job, and I have since learned to do it myself.  

I love to have her do it, though.

Side View 

And now, the length. 

Projects, all involving photos. 

Other Projects

Another Afghan 

and Barry.

Actually, it is Jim's project he is playing with, that is conduit for the garage.

Day by Day--January

I had the big idea this year to remember my days.  After living through so many months dealing with the after effects of cancer I wanted my experience to make a difference.  

And it has.

But not as much as I would like.  

I don't know what I expected.  It is hard to have lofty thoughts and high ideals when you still have to slog through normal life.  Organizing, washing, cooking cleaning still have to be done.   I thought I would have more energy by now.  It is discouraging to come to the end of the day and the thought of having to carry the step stool to put something away feels like too much.  

What I wanted was to notice as I go through life, to pay attention to the good things and the good people that are sharing it with me.  It seemed like last year just went by too fast, and I remember so little of it.  

So, I set myself a project.

To remember the days.

Every day has a story. 

December
29. My new camera has a pretty good zoom.  That's about the only thing you can say for it however.
30. We visited Jim's sister in Wisconsin.
31. Zane is 5.
January
 1.  Happy New Year, 2014!
 2.  We enjoy puzzles in the winter time.  My folks were here over New Year's, and we did two 1000 piece puzzles.
 3.  Zane built this house/castle from our blocks. I was impressed by his absolute symmetry.  It was also my daughter's birthday and anniversary, but they went out to eat and I forgot to take her picture.
 4.  We enjoy our fireplace.  This much wood will last a couple of weeks.
 5.  Jim enjoys our fireplace, too.
 6.  Sunrise off the deck, almost 8:00.
 7.  Very Old John Deere Catalog, 1928.  
 8.  First measurable snow of the year, and the winter, too, I think.
 9.  Frost is beautiful on the pines on the north side of our property.
10. My Barry boy has beautiful eyelashes.  I was babysitting while my daughter was registering for classes at community college. Her first steps toward a nursing degree.
11. A good friend turns 50.
12. My amaryllis given by a very dear friend, Gertrud, has THREE blossom stalks.  Unheard of in my experience.
13.  A perfect ice cream cone, and I did it myself.
14. The blossoms are breaking.  There are FIVE blooms on the first stalk.
15. Sunrise a little earlier now.
16. Birthday celebrations with another good friend.  
17. My grandboy Christian wearing a pink romper that his great-grandfather wore.  Christian is 8 mos, yesterday, great-grandpa is 78.
18. Two blooming stalks.
19. I'm starting another afghan. I love blue.
20. I love to write letters, another goal for the year is to send more letters.  
21. Chocolate chip, cookies, my all time favorite, BC.  Now, I've discovered that dipping them in cocoa makes them easy for me to eat, and they are my favorite again.
22. This is in tribute of our Aunt Inez.  One year ago today she was buried.  She loved babies the best.  She was so thrilled to hold this Barry boy, since he was born in her town.
23. Blood oranges...want some?
24. As fully bloomed as that amaryllis is going to get.  The first blossom was fading as the thirteenth was opening.
25. I had an absolute panic this day.  I couldn't find my camera card anywhere.  Someone says, "Could it be in the laptop?" "Oh."
26. January hair.
27. Sunrise, 10 minutes earlier by now.
28. I just love this painting by Lynette.  It lives in my kitchen.
29. Sunrise again, this time with a new moon.  The picture is amazing in a larger size. It is really been cold to go out and take these photos.
30. Credit cards...gone.
31. More snow!! The start of a 4-inch two day snow fall.  The snow is so pretty falling against the red of the barn.
February
  1. Valentine tea, one of my favorite social events of the year.  It brings food, friends and card making together under one roof,  but not mine.

I wanted this to be ready to post closer to the end of January, but since I somehow spilled water on my keyboard, it has had to wait--about three weeks.  I still don't know how the water and the keyboard ended up in the same place.  It was the only time in my life I remembered not to carry the water the the laptop at the same time.  Sigh.

January Hair

This is a hair post and some other things post.  

Here I am in my bed, where I spent so much of my time after surgery and treatment.  The other part of my time was spent on our new couch, and that was it.  

My daughter took this photo, I was trying to get my new camera to flash, but that is another story for another day, and she managed it.  She has the same camera.  I was going to zoom in and use it for my January hair, but I was pleased with the way my corner looked.  It's where I am every night, wrapped in my shawl on cold ones with my lamp going to aid my aging eyes and the book I relax with.  I was in bed early.  Jim had been called out and I had a big day.  My bed is where I go when I'm not going to do anything more that day except decompress.  

Here's my better hair photo.  I couldn't resist the matching colors.  

And the back, and a glimpse in my china cupboard and the glassware I like.  

This is a pretty late January hair, but the photo was taken earlier, but I had an accident with my laptop that involved water.  It is still in the shop, but the hard drive seems to be in order so all is not lost and we are hopeful that it can be repaired.  

I do have another computer, but I don't like it as well for ease of use.   

Our 25th Anniversary

I know these photos are over a year and a half old.  I want to post them because I like them.   

We celebrated our 25th anniversary with my coming home from the hospital after surgery for the now famous sinus tumor.  We had thought about doing something special to celebrate that year.  And if special means something out of the ordinary, we did that.  

My friend Raimie kindly offered us a photo shoot for that year, and we squeaked it in when I was recovered from surgery enough to stand up for a while and before treatment started.  

So, thanks to her, we have some nice photos of us "BC" and our place. 

Thank you, dear friend.

December Hair

As would be fairly obvious to those who know me, I am not at home.  We took a visit to see Jim's sister in Wisconsin, and I would like to put those photos on the blog, but not in a hair post.  So, you will just have to wait.  

I chose a back photo this time so you can see how long my hair is getting.  You can also see one of the problems I have with doing anything with it.  My hair has always been thinner and shorter on one side than the other and I am not sure if this is normal to what my hair used to be, or if it is radiation damage on that side.  Radiation is hard on hair follicles and I was warned that permanent hair loss was a very real possibility.  This disparity in length won't be a problem later, after while, SOMETIME.  

So, most of the time I just let it go and ignore the way it looks.  You know what somebody said, "I just lost my hair and can't do a thing with it."

It looks pretty good here.  It's all in the way you point the camera.  

Looking Back to November Hair

Parts of me feel like I should be blogging oftener, but as I made this blog primarily for me, I just haven't felt like it, so I didn't.  The end of the year is a busy time with holidays, finishing up yearly office work, the end of school and special visits with special people.  I just didn't feel up to it.  I have most of my photos on my old computer where I am going through and sorting and printing them for a book for Lynette, but I spend most of my time on the laptop, and I need to do some different things.  Like start keeping 2014 photos on that computer. 

When I am busy I get too tired, and I don't get a lot of things done except sit on the couch and knit.  Blogging takes mind energy to sort and upload photos, and it just didn't get done.  

ANYWHO!!

Here is a bit from November.  I hope to get caught up, but January is a busy month, too.  

November Hair

A lovely surprise limited edition print by Paul Sloan searched for by my daughter and paid for by my husband because I loved it on our Oregon trip. 

A photograph of the print itself.  It is a lovely thing, hanging now in my living room over a choice display of books.

Which I am now thinking it would be a lovely photo to post but it would mean getting up, finding the camera, taking the photo, downloading it to the computer, uploading it to blogger, so I'm not going to do it.  I'm tired.  This week I have been to Wisconsin, attended a birthday party, have company and the boys were here today.  

Grandkids in November

Since Zane has gone to school, (Pre-K), Barry, who is a "one word man" at the moment and gets the message across very well, actually, copies Zane in nearly everything he does.  

At our house the other day, Zane was lining up toy trees so Barry wanted to also.  Of course, that causes some difficulties since Zane isn't the best at sharing, but after a division of trees Barry lined his up and begins to count, "one, four, fifteen...". He knows now that you use those words when you line things up and point.  He knows when people ask, "what color is this?", you use other words, like blue or green.  He knows these other shapes, where Zane says, "ABCEFG...", that he should say, "ABC, ABC, ABC,". 

The things a second child learns, and so soon!

Barry at just two is at the toddler stage.  It's so cute to watch this age grow and learn, to get command over themselves and the language.  Of course, that command come with so much, "no", "me do it", and "me too", that needs guided into proper channels all the while the parent or grandparent goes berserk listening to the constant willful demands.

Zane is loving school, one of four in his class.  He gets breakfast and lunch, has learned to say and recognize his letters and numbers.  He has learned a myriad of action songs and loves to perform.  

I love these boys.  They are a trial sometimes, being too active and too smart for their own good. 

We can't forget Christian who at 5 months is hitching himself along with elbows and toes.  He's a fast traveler, albeit unconventional, getting where he wants to go, either right over the other boys' toys to get what he wants.  Then if he can hold it, it goes right into his mouth.  

Barry with Croca-dilly

Papa and the boys.

Zane at his Veteran's Day program convulsed the audience by speaking into the microphone as he walked by. Everyone else who took part in the program behaved conventionally.