Starting My Journey

Tonight is the last night for me to be who I was before. 

Before surgery.  

The me who has been healthy as a goat for so many years.
 I've taken it for granted. 

I'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around the word cancer.  That this is ME we're talking about not somebody else, somebody else's life.  

I'm  trying very hard not to think about the what ifs.  I'm dealing with the what is.

And I want to continue to do so, one step at a time.  

I'm also not terribly comfortable with writing about myself in this way, but I wanted to put up one more post and then let my very obliging sister-in-law guest-post on updates. I'm finding it exhausting to tell the same things over again to all the lovely people who want to know, and even then, not everybody gets the same thing. After all, it was Jim and I listening to the surgeons this morning. 

We came to Omaha this morning to have the consultation with the two surgeons who will be doing the surgery tomorrow around noon.  The nasal surgeon is kind, efficient, patient, and answered all our questions before we asked them. We wouldn't have needed to bring our list.  

For the nuts and bolts of what is happening here, I have been diagnosed with one of two types of malignant nasal tumor.  One is a tumor of the olfactory nerve. The other not so easily explained.  The tumor in the lower sinuses will be removed by going up through the nose.  The upper sinuses will be accessed with an ear to ear incision over the top of the head.

(They don't shave heads anymore.)  

The main thing in any cancer surgery is to get all the cancer plus a certain amount of unharmed tissue to ensure a complete removal.  There is a limited amount of tissue to get in such a confined area, so the dura between sinus and brain will be removed, and be replaced with some of my own from another place.  The bone that separated and seals the brain area and the sinus cavity has been destroyed by the tumor and will be replaced with mesh.  The tumor is also right up against one eye, and has destroyed some of the bone protecting the right eye in the area of the bridge of my nose, and if the hole in the bone is big enough it will also be strengthened with mesh. The main thing is to take enough out of me to get all the bad stuff and then reconstruct what needs to be done.

 One thing I didn't know, is that the sinus cavity is not several open holes as I always imagined.  There are little pockets in those sinus cavities  After this, however, I will have one big open area, which while it won't affect my quality of life, will affect how I take care of it. 

Except I won't be able to smell anymore.  That is over. I don't think I'll get fat now, eating isn't nearly as much fun.

So, this is really a pretty big deal, more than I ever imagined.  I will have a six hour surgery, followed by 24 hours in ICU (this is normal), and then a hospital stay of 5-7 days.  Then I will go home to recover.  After an expected six weeks of surgical recovery time, I will have six weeks of radiation.  Just to make sure, you know.

Of course, what knowledge we have now, is subject to anything new that might be found during the surgery.  The nasal surgeon takes care of the lower, the neurosurgeon the upper, at the same time.  

There is some good news.  The tumor does not appear to have penetrated the brain or the eyes themselves.  There is every expectation of a cure.  

Despite all the risks involved in major surgery, and some fear as well, I will be glad to get this out of my head and start making progress to a new me.    

After surgery the tumor is called a neuroendocrine tumor.
Surgery was 9 1/2 hours long.