Thursday, May 23, 2013

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I had more hair.
 It was also the day I walked into a clinic called the Estabrooke Cancer Center. It was the day I heard the words, tumor, biopsy and malignant used about me.  It was the day that I realized there really was something bad growing in my head and it was called cancer.

A lot has happened in the last year, and I don't remember a lot of it. I don't want to remember a lot of it.  I had major surgery, recovery from surgery time, chemotherapy, radiation, two weeks in the hospital with low blood counts, more pain medication than I want to remember, a feeding tube, cases of ensure, mucus taking over my sinuses, and pain, pain, pain, in my mouth and throat.

I don't really like to think about it. I don't like to go back and think about the physical things or the mental ones.  Once you have cancer there are always a few dark places left lurking around in the back of your mind, and it doesn't do to dwell on them.

I am thinking about life, what I want to do now, what I want to do next year.  I want to remember to be thankful...for the friends and family that helped and put up with me, and those who sent cards and gifts.  I don't want to forget how much that meant to me, and I want to get strength and brains enough back to do it for someone else.

Recovery is still ongoing, but it isn't bad living in here.  I have a few annoyances that I may have to live with forever, but I'm doing fine.

And I'm happy.


The J's said...

And I am very happy you're on this side of all that my friend!

Brenda said...

You just make me smile!! So glad you are happy!

The Millers said...

Yay mom!!

Anonymous said... glad its all behind you...jenelle

Renee said...

Totally know what you mean about things you don't want to remember..experiences you don't want to revisit, although mine aren't from cancer. A person just CAN'T do it and I don't think it is healthy to. So, forward is the direction we face, and LOVE that you are enjoying so many things about your days. Life is quite a tapestry of ugly and beautiful isn't it? I LOVE the pic of you!! xo xo

Darcie said...

Love your smiling picture, I think your smiling attitude has been what has helped carry you along through this past year..that and strength from above. (((hugs)))

The Chairman's Wife said...

Fair are the prospects all ahead! So glad you shared your journey with us. So glad so much is behind you. Now you need to get down to business and rock all those little boys!

Oleva said...

Dearest Shelly,
Your post brought a big lump in my throat. So glad for all that is behind in this experience and wish you were "whole" in ways you aren't and can't be physcially. A testimony at the last sp. mtg. hit the core of me and still does------"the Lord never adds sorrow to blessing, but He can add blessing to sorrow".
Hope our pathes cross again!
C. and Oleva