Wednesday, June 6, 2012

I Can't Smell Anymore...

There was a photo on someone's blog this spring with a little girl joyfully lifting up her face to the sunshine and lilacs.

I didn't smell the lilacs this year.

With all the lovely and beautiful things that bless my life, smell won't be one of them, not ever again.

You don't think about how much you use it until you lose it.

I remember wallking by the irises this spring and thinking, "I don't smell those."

But I thought I would, I really did, I thought this thing in my head would someday succomb to antibiotics and my life would be back to "normal" again.

But it won't.
I won't smell flowers again.
I won't smell dirty diapers again.
I won't smell the fresh "after the rain" smell.
I won't smell that lovely smell of wood smoke, or burning in the kitchen, or skunks, or natural gas.

Once the olfactory nerve is gone--it's gone.

But I have a lot of other things.

I can see, I can hear, I can live, I have family, I have friends.

I can feel the warmth of the sun on my face and I can remember...
I can remember that I loved to smell.

And I didn't take that for granted.


The Chairman's Wife said...

Though we enjoyed and appreciated the guest writers, it is very comforting to hear from Gramma herself! So sorry you have to go down this path without smelling the roses or anything else for that matter, but you have the gift of life. And that's what matters most. Thinking of you often...

John and Sandy Linder said...

Beautifully put! Though we do not know you very well, we are rooting for you.

Dorothy K said... can write!! Shelley the Writer is back and it makes us all happy! Who'da thunk it? A week ago this morning you were lying in ICU with a ventilator tube down your throat, and today you will be watching another sunrise out your kitchen window. And we are thankful.

Ruth said...

So glad you are home and BETTER! So very sorry for your loss...but maybe your other senses will learn to compensate more...remembering, feeling, sppreciating. We take way to many things for granted in this precious life. Wishing you a speedy recovery and bright days ahead.

gkey said...

Dear Sensitive in all the ways that matter most,

Tears of sadness for what won't ever be the same for you again. Mostly tears of JOY for what you still have and especially because all the ones who love you, still have YOU !!

Hope to come visit tomorrow, have a wonderful day today.


The J's said...

I'm just so glad to have you back-at home, with us, on the blog--being in your place!
As painful as they are, and as sorrowful, things like this are good reminders to not take things for granted and I want to be more careful not to take my friends and special friendships for granted!!! ♥

The J's said...

Oh yes, and the flowers are lovely, smell or not!! :) (But, I AM sorry for your loss of that sense!)

Gramma Lorna and Grampa Garland said...

So glad you are back home and are able to write again!! Very well put and glad for all the things you didn't lose!! Our thoughts go to Holly T. and her family since her brother-in-law was hurt so terribly bad. We are thankful for what we have!! With Our Love and Care!!

Lanae said...

I'm sorry for what you've lost too ... but as you say, there is much you haven't lost and perhaps things you have gained. Rich in what matters most .....
Glad in any case to read a post from you!

Huisman5 said...

It's so good to see your notes Shelley. Now you can stop and "see" the flowers. Something we all need to take time for. We maybe just smell them quickly in passing, but to stop and see things in lifes journey brings so much depth.
Love from our corner.
Lori, Wayne and Family

Dan & Cyndie said...

Great to hear from the Gramma herself!!! and so very thankful to have you right where you are...HOME!!!!

Anita said...

I like how you ended this post, Shelley! I'm going to love to smell from now on!!! xo

Raimie @ The Prairie Hen said...

Dear Aunt Shelley,
This is one of those moments where I lack the words to express my thoughts... How to be a comfort to you, my auntie... Maybe just saying I love you and that my thoughts are with you every day on this journey will have to be enough.